Girl on the fence

We have always been told that this is how the order of things goes and we should not rock the boat but comply.

That’s all good and well with things that make sense but as it goes with me - like the other millions of things in my head, I cant help but question this and wonder of my sanity for even wanting to change it.

A girl SHOULD wanna get married and she SHOULD have it in her to take care of the man she loves and help him build a warm home for the both of them. Sure, this girl also does have the choice to remain single and focus on other things and gone are the times when society would frown upon such a decision. What happens though when this said girl simply wants to love her man and skip the whole taking care of him part?

See, here I refer to a girl who although being capable of doing the caring thing, wishes she could rather skip it. Reasons? Fear I suppose. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the women she has to turn out to be when looking at the perfect patrial her mother has set. Why could it not be that girl love her man but stay at her own place and take care of herself ONLY?

Its an awkward place to be yes since all around her all the other girls are doing just what is expected of them. They get married. They bare children. They pine away if not married with anticipation and hope. They firmly stand by the choice to leave it all behind and handle it with simple grace. And then there is this girl that is sitting on the fence – quite comfortably too if I may add. Fence though starts to poke at here when the stares and frowns make her shift around uncomfortably realizing that she has to make a choice that she will have to stick with for a life time: love her man AND take care of him OR leave it all behind and run at it alone forever.

Imagine the looks when girl gets off the fence….

In under tones they whisper and point wondering why she has decided on that side of the fence. It becomes the talk of the town and there is such an unnecessary vibe around the side of the fence girl is walking around on. What happens next shocks the masses the most…

Girl climbs back on the fence and sits…

(see girl needed a glass of water and she got down to go get. As to the side of the fence she decided to jump into to get the water – well that was all depending on which side she was facing when she got extremely thirsty…)

The crazy hype that just happens goes on to prove my point and make my resolve super difficult - We have always been told that this is how the order of things goes and we should not rock the boat but comply.

All I can do at this point is fight hard the urge to rock the damn boat and hope everyone else holds on really tight!

Forget the bus that hits you, I'm stuck at the trailer bashing after that!!!

Talked to a friend last night and realised that this must be the one ultimate life lesson we get taught over and over again. That when the bus finally hits you – and it does find you, the point is not the tiny details about what make of bus it was or who the driver was and what colour seats it had. The point is when, how and what.

Let me explain:

First ask when: when will I contemplate getting up?

See, as much as at that moment it feels like planning when to get up is the least of our worries, sooner or later it has got to happen. More importantly though is the fact that only you can decide when to do it. So, while you spend the sleepless nights and bucket loads of tears while down there, keep in mind that sooner or later, you have got to get up.

Note to self: remember this when my next bus comes along.

Then ask how: How do I do this getting up thing?

Truth be told, there are just those buses that leave you so “hit” that you forget which side your feet are and where to start when wanting to lift your head. There are times when that bus just leaves us so tangled up that getting up becomes a long process that can also very easily find you right back on your butt again all too soon.

AGAIN, fact still remains that it has got to happen.

What I like though about this getting up process is that you now get to decide how straight up you want to stand this time around and while initially the feeling would be not to take it too far – in case you have to kneel and duck the next bus –but you can stand straighter then before. In fact, sometimes when the fall has been really hard, some people choose to take a different path road all together just so they can encounter new buses. And then you get the suckers who believe this path still has a bit more good times to offer – either way – you will eventually have stood up!

(Writing this question has my mind thinking of all the people around you who will seem to have the answers on how to do this *pointing a finger at myself since I tend to fall pray to this too*. But it also leads me to wonder if someone can really help you get up… *thinking* the way I see it, since this was your bus, you should be the one that will decide not only when to get up but more importantly HOW to get up.)

Then finally, we get to what: what has this bus left me with and what lessons have I learned.

It’s true that some scares from the bus bashing may never really heal. It’s true too that even if the surface scares do disappear (cue bio oil) fact is the inner pains may come to visit on rainy days and colder weather. But I would like to think that one of the things that should happen at this point will be getting to know your capabilities a bit more and knowing what could trigger the painful cringe when the wound is unintentionally touched or the weather does get colder. Remember – we are over the tears so let that not be an option.

Also, its good to get to the part where you reflect on what the bus has taught you so you can better dodge it the next time. If you know that walking on the right hand side of the road leads to on coming buses hitting you point blank, then hell – stay away from that side or even use the damn side walk next time.

All the above seems all well and wise but now I'm left with a question bigger and maybe even more lethal then the bus: WHAT HAPPENS IF THE BUS HAD A TRAILER AND THE DAMN TRAILER GOT LEFT ON TOP OF YOU CLEARLY MAKING GETTING UP IMPOSSIBLE? Am I allowed to call out now?

how high is your PEDESTAL

…you look down your nose and sneer. You just love the feeling you are getting from this. You call up your buddies and share the news. You add a little spice here and there and laugh on along as you get a sense of elevation from what you have seen while looking down your nose. And then you take it a step further – you point! You show all passer’s by what you are pointing at and tell the news over and over to whoever is willing to listen while you get puffed up with pride and your smile broadens. “I am much better then that” you say out loud to the audience you have pulled. “I said I AM MUCH BETTER THEN THAT” you shout a little louder!

What is it that has you jumping around and smiling – SOMEONE ELSE’S MISERY AND MISTAKE

(this is directed at a certain commenter and the rest of us who need such reminders)

I call this type a pedestaler…

A PEDESTALER, as per my definition, is that person who elevates themselves to a place they believe is higher and go on to point and look down upon those they believe are far worse off then they are.

Granted, it’s a habit that we all at some point have/had developed and even used to feel better about our surroundings but how much of a better person does it REALLY make you?

• You will agree with me that there is something seriously wrong with a person who lacks fellow feeling. Personally, I think it’s even the biggest contributor to the sate of disintegrating human life in these last days. We all seem to have lost a sense of human when we can turn a blind eye to the misery of others. At times we even cause it – knowingly or not. But how normal is it when we capitalize on it and use it to inturn make ourselves feel better. Rumours are sprung from such dark places. We can’t help but tell it to the next person. Where are you on the guilt scale of such behaviour?
• Ok so its true you argue – its not a rumour but truth and granted, a lot of the bad situations could have      been avoided had the individual done this and that and they could have been advised, yet they chose not to listen and hance they found themselves here – it happens to the best of us. so and so did mess up their own marriages and are to blame for an unhappy family life - but how, in all of that, do you find the right or pride to raise your nose and tread on higher?

You jump around at such results and silently think of how this will never happen to you. ”how stupid!” you whisper and “he deserves it!” you judge.

A wise man was inspired to write “Pride is before a fall”. For all you know, you could be walking backwards towards the edge of your pedestal, facing a fall that will land you lower then the individual you dared to judge!

Careful!

It’s a known fact that Satan carries on to look for ways to tempt us at CONVENIENT times. He looks for times when he can tread upon your loyalty and undermine your faith. At times he uses our own traits against us and sadly at times he succeeds. The bible warns “let the one standing be careful that he does not fall”.

I imagine that this would be directed to the times when we are still doing our ‘I'm-better-then-you-dance’. Could pride be the next trait that the devil will use against you?

See, I have seen it happen so many times and yes, I too was a pedestaler at some point in my life until the sad realization of how sad I was knocked me blind (lol – literally). We are so quick to point the finger and judge as per OUR standards. We are so quick to think of how WE would never let this happen to us and wanna be heard about how WE would have handled it. We run along to the next person and insist that WE know much better! And we take it a step further by basking in the glory of ‘so glad it didn’t happen to me’ and let our pedestals grow higher.

Here is a thought or two:

1. With us living in these last days of the last days, can you really afford to be ‘dancing’ on heights way higher then you can afford to fall off.

2. With the love scripture in mind, how do you deal with the news of someone else’s misery? Are you jumping up and down for joy? (just how joyous are you really).

3. Only Jehovah has the ability to see what’s in our hearts. Are the things he finds thereyou’re your heart, your silent judging’s of fellow humans that YOU have concluded are below you?

4. Could it be that the way we are being tempted is by showing a worldly spirit of seeing ourselves as better? While you do your ‘dance’ it just could be to the beat of the tempter! (wow scary thought)

Nothing bad intended… just another musing by GOT.

The box where its all kept.

It’s the damn days when the sun won’t just come out that get to me. It’s the times when I, the girl who seems to have it all planed and knows exactly where and how she wants it, cant for the life of me manage to get a single sentence said or a single word written.


These are the days when my wounds do bleed and the scars start to show again. It seems to me that regardless of how much I pack it up and shove it to the back of a dark closet, some light does still seem to fall on it from time to time. As I peer in again into this livid box, I see traces of where these new habits come from. With that though comes the reminder of a sad yet essential reality…

Girl-On-Top should not be leaning on this shaky wall.

I opened my eyes this morning and I had a plan in mind. Today would be a good day and I would get things done. I somehow managed to fall asleep with the phone near me… ahh reminder of another broken promise comes to mind… the call that was promised but never came. But that will not bother me today… I have a plan remember? Yet as awake time carried on, my plan fell apart and all I was left with was this damn box that seemed to show up again – even when I had made sure it was pushed far back this time!

My day was bad. It all seemed like that box had crept into my handbag this morning or had followed me to work. I messed up things and I lost documents. I had breathless moments and no amount of good music seemed to calm it. A good friend says I should swallow my pride and call in for help. Help? Girl-On-Top does not call in for help! Hell I can help myself… 11am and things carry on down hill. Maybe I should swallow this pride and just do as I was told… grab phone. Write it out. Options. Send… *deep breath* there, I have done it…

One hour later… nothing

Two hours (hold my breath and look at my phone screen)… nothing

Two and a half hours later… no beep…

Wait…. Here it comes… *smile*

I opened up the inbox and this damn box sprung open and I lost all hope of closing it – ever!

This is a box with all my issues laid bare. In this box are stories and events that saw me on my floor after failed wrestlings with attempts to get them sorted. This box is where all the bitterness and anger and “I told you so’s” lie. This is the box that carries lethal combinations of things that got me way near to the edge at one point and for some strange reason – this one sms managed to pull them all out again…

I started this post with hopes that I would lay them bare here. That I would have a go at them here yet at quarter-past-way-past-my-bed-time, I get comfortable on this floor that I had managed to avoid for a very long time. Habit is here too. He brought wine. As he fills my glass - again – I smile at this old friend and start telling him a story of how I at some stage tried to hide him in a box at the back of my closet. He laughs, smiles and asks me questions about this damn wall I tried to lean against.

I guess this means that the issues will have to wait till I have become well acquainted with Habit again. Tonight… tonight I do things differently. I switch off the phone to block the wall that should have come through for me a whole 8 hours ago. I climb into bed with habit and fall asleep in the arms of the demon I know and have secretly come to love too.

“its good to have you around tonight habit…” I whisper as I drift asleep in to a dream with no expectations in the morning…

"New kind of low"

A lady looked deep into the eyes of her daughter who was sitting in tears and softly yet firmly said to her: “you cannot make yourself happy by brining misery to other people”


I have seen this scene a million times over yet it still proves true over and over. Look around you – we have become a species plagued with sadness and misery and bitterness and all other things that seem to hang around like a severe case of fever!

Ask if you dare what the reason is and a deafening silence follows when the answer is said: OURSELVES!

… he says he loves his wife yet he cant brake it off with his side fling. He hates the thought of the side fling seeing anybody else but him…


…she has no problem with spreading that vicious rumour about her hard working colleague in hopes that it would destroy her credibility, be sacked from the job just so she can finally get her job which she has been eyeing…


…the fact that he breaks his back to provide for you does not make you appreciate what he offers since you have no problem with getting your own from someone else…


…so what if he has kids and a wife at home? Oh I know he is engaged and committed to some girl but as long as he gives me what I want – I'm happy! If she can’t keep him happy – I will…

Tell me:

Why is it that we feel the need to be unfaithful?

In all aspects! It seems like we have become the type that has given in to the pathetic excuse that “we couldn’t help it”. We are all so caught up in instant gratification and the ruthless want to get ahead and get our own regardless of the cost or the things we leave trampled behind!

Yet when you sit and reflect on what the result of such dealing has been – you don’t really see yourself rolling around laughing at the achievements you have made through your genius dealings and scheming. Instead, all you have is the cold cash you have no one to spend it with since you have alienated yourself from any kind of love you had coming or a guilty conscience, which even tho it has been taught to shut up until spoken to, caries on to silently taunt you while sitting in the dark corner where you put it. Does not feel as good as you thought it would, does it?

We all go around acting like we are superior and better when in actual fact, we rank very near to the gum stuck under our shoes - which has been chewed and spat out. We have finally managed to build a culture of fake trust and a sad existence that is based on pretence and heartache all because “we couldn’t help it”. It gets even worse when it finally has reached a stage where it is no longer socially frowned upon and is openly done with no shame on the part of the offender! Hell the offended is even encouraged to hit back just as bad or worse even… when does it stop?

When you sit alone and reflect on how unhappy you have become or how hectic this system of things has dealt you your share – I promise you 8 times out of 10, the person to mainly blame is the one staring right back at you in the mirror!

Congratulations “human race”, you defied all expectations and managed to reach a new kind of low. A low lower then the one associated with the likes of Hitler’s rule, the reasons behind both World Wars and the many genocides…

Let’s see if you can achieve an even lower one…

Spend a moment in my head…

- That terrible habit that has become my friend is sucking me dry of the will to carry on…

So I guess even long time habits do turn against you too – what doesn’t vele these days?

Forgive my contradiction for a moment and listen to my thoughts…

My bad habit has been with me for close to 8 months now and having seen that I cant get rid of it (and man have I tried), I started taking it as a friend. Habit started feeling comfortable – like an old friend. At times, when it seemed to not be around, I would invite it and ask it to even stay longer then allowed. We laughed and cried and even finished a wine bottle too once. Habit made me smile and had me feeling good- really good. There were times when I missed habit when it was not around cause see, my habit – which is my secret alone – had to some extent become my shoulder to lean on, my pillar of strength when I required and sometimes even a companion when it seemed like everyone else was not seeing my silent pleading for help. Habit listened and advised. Habit entertained and consoled. My habit was there on those nights (and days) when I got lonely and sometimes even comforted me and stayed up with me till I fell asleep when I thought the nightmares were too bad. Habit always lingered near by. Habit was always there when my friends went home and even when I went out – I was sure to always come home and find habit sitting, waiting and willing to listen to the stories that I had to tell – habit loved them!

…and 8 months later habit seems to also have an agenda against me too.

Instead of calm chats, habit shouts. Its words hurt and when I call out, it doesn’t respond. Habit kicks and screams and tears down. Habit doesn’t seem to recognise the hurt it cause or the confusion it leaves me with. Habit lies and deceives me – gone are the once calm encouragements and promises are left unfulfilled.

Habit keeps me awake at night, wondering what went wrong.

Habit hates me and I cant seem to understand why.

Habit is drowning me and has taken away any desire for everything…

If you are reading this, please tell habit to come back. Please tell habit that I didn’t mean to. Tell habit please that whatever it is that I did to upset it – I’m Sorry

Tell habit please, if you see it, that: if it too leaves… I'm not sure if I can carry on.

- Girl on Top

SICK man dies ALONE...

- … And so his wife leaves him sick and alone on Friday to attend to another emergency back at her Mather’s. My car alarm goes off at 3:30am on Sunday morning and while peering out the window, we notice his bedroom lights on. Paying no attention to that and after making sure nothing was wrong with the car, we all go back to sleep clueless to the sad events that where the result of his lights being on at that time of morning.

Morning comes and after frantic knocks on his door by his brother, the police are called to discover his lifeless body - inside the locked, cold house - lying in bed, clutching a bottle of an energy drink…

                                         It’s confirmed… he has passed away!

Notice how there are so many unanswered questions in those bizarre events and yet the story gets worse as it unfolds around the “The man that died alone”

- … after the body had been taken away and the brother starts making calls, the sickening truth seeps out and although I'm hating the “dying alone” part, I'm sickened by the disgusting secret that was inside the walls of that house.
The brother is conflicted at what he should do now. See, as part of the calls that he makes, a very important one is made to his REAL wife and CHILDREN. Turns out alone man had told his legal wife that he was staying at his place of employment while he was shacked up with the lady we neighbours knew to be his wife...

Once again, I find myself deeply hurt and disgusted at the disapointment we humans have become. The bible shows how we were created as he superior creatures - to have domination over all other flying, sea and land creatures yet our behaviour as this system of things nears its end proves that we just may have succeeded in turning ourselves in to the worst kind of creature to walk the fact of the earth.

My Issues 1: the sick man ALONE

One of the things that I have always prided myself on living elokshini is the fact that, to some extent, the neighbours knew each other. Growing up, I loved the fact that when I came home from school and my mother was not home and I had no key, I could always go to the gogo at our front opposite and she would have a sandwich ready for me and show me to a room where I could take a nap and wait for my mom. When gogo passed away, our back opposite retired nurse was another safe place where I could wait instead of prying the streets and being a target to the badies that lurk in dark corners. I could wait there for as long as it took and our neighbours never complained or minded – in fact, sometimes, they insisted.

Yet, here is this man, that was left alone while sick to fend for himself. Could not this woman have alerted us that she had an emergency and ask for us to check in on the sick man? We could have made sure that he ate something for lunch and supper on Friday. We could have taken him breakfast on Saturday morning before we went about our daily activities, did lunch with him and supper before making sure pills are being taken before we went to bed. We could have done something when we saw the lights on past 10 or even 11 as my siblings were still up. That man could have been alive today had his “makwapeni” cared enough. I fully understand the picture I'm painting of the woman that always greeted and had well wishes for me but you please find a way to explain to me how the freaking hell you could do something like that to someone you pulled away from his real family so that he could be with you.

I have always held on to the believe that regardless of how mean or terrible you are, no one deserves to be alone. I think being alone is something that hurts enough to kill you on its own. I'm imagining the frame of mind that the man was in – feeling his condition worsen yet not being able to call out for help. The energy drink he was found with tells me that he was looking to get some source of strength so as to make it through the night. It is said that, when things are bad, we tend to reflect on our life – could the realization that he was left alone in that sick state have been the final nails to his coffin?

It gets me thinking too about you (you know who you are) – I think one of the things that almost killed me when hanging up the phone at 5am on that Saturday morning, after talking almost the whole night, was the thought that since you had messed up almost all the good you had going for you – you too could find yourself alone. Knowing your frame of mind as I hung up the phone drove me frantic too coupled with the thought that you would eventually give yourself a heart attack and die out there all alone with no one to call to for help…

How do we do this to each other? When will we eventually start missing that all too important human element that will make us care enough and think twice about the things we put each other through? So the woman didn’t know how things would turn out but still… How Do You Leave A Sick Person ALONE????

My issues 2: the SICK man alone

He had another LEGAL wife and KIDS?

The patheticness surrounding a cheating mate still carry on to amaze me! How do you commit to “happily ever after” only to end up hurting them in the cruellest way possible?

Regardless of how many times I hear about it, I fail to wrap my head around the makings of a cheating mate. In my book, that is the lowest act possible before we cross over the legal line… if you have seen my earlier posts on this issue, you will know that still today, I question the decision to do it and see consequences after. I still wonder how one’s mind works around to even justifying it or even carrying on with it and EVEN going as far as hiding it should you have become victim of human error.

I shudder to think what the poor wife is to feel when news of her husband’s infidelity reach her… Not knowing the full details, but imagine that she is at home looking after the children and building a pleasant home for her husband while he goes to work only to find that his work included performing duties that were unknown to her – ones that even went as far as going to another woman’s house every night and putting on a show so good that even the neighbours that see you daily do not catch on that he doesn’t belong there. This was not a fling or passing of time kind of thing – it was a slap to the face for he went as far as buildng a home with a strange woman.

How does she get closure from this when the ******** is not even around to answer for his actions.

Take it from a woman who knows – the passing of her man is the least of the wounds that she will have to heal so as to carry on functioning as a normal women with her head held high and with kids to be a role model too. I know that this will come very close to killing her too.

I suppose the question as to why we cheat still is to find a satisfying answer but regardless – I don’t think I can ever respect a person who cheats on their mate in any kind of way weather they deserved it r not. You SIMPLY do NOT cheat PERIOD!

My thoughts…

And so I find myself at conflict over weather him being alone in his last few slow moments are to be justified by his extra curricular activities.

As he lay there feeling his breath become shallower and him realising that he will not make it to day light, what do you suppose his last thoughts were? Regret over his achievement to humiliating his real wife and kids? Or the mess that he leaves his mistress in when she now has to defend and justify something they started together?

And what about if he could choose who to spend his last moments with – who do you suppose he would choose? His real wife? Or his mistress?

What I think...

Opinion omitted for indecisive reasons…

What do you think?

I don't GET it! Do you?

Ever had some things happen and you’re left wondering if you are the only one who dosnt get it as people carry on as if all is well? Well here is my list of some things I just don’t get:

1. (First only because it happened yesterday and this morning)

Why would you go through the trauma of waking up early and leaving the house during traffic rush hour only to drive at 5km/h on the road? Why the freaking hell do yu not eave a bit later and drive at 2km/h for all I care! Hell stop in the middle of the road f yu wish – just don’t do it during morning rush cause well some of us do have places we need to be and on time!

2. Am I the only who doesn’t get why stranger men have to hoot at you?

For whatever reason – there is no good enough reason to me besides life and death situations. But the people who hoot to greet you when they don’t know you – what out come are you hoping will be? That I will smile and wave back at you while I start picking our wedding theme colour and how many kids we will have! Fact is: if you can’t approach me and greet me properly – then please don’t hoot at me thinking it will have the same effect!

3. Why is it that people feel the right to enforce their point of view on you?

I get the human tendency to want to be seen as always right and ever so wise (happens to me too) but why the freaking hell would you think its ok to force people to see things in your opinion or else…? Were we not all made with functioning brains that are able to deduce and ponder and come to an out come that makes the best sense to ourselves (usually based on our unique experiences)? But no – you feel the need to be holier then thou and think it’s either your way or the wrong way. Did you ever think that maybe YOUR way is the WRONG way????

4. Why is it that some really pretty girls are the meanest?

Don’t you get it – the fact that you are pretty does not automatically make people wanna be around you all the time. Just like the rest of us, you still need to work at a likable personality and still have to get people to like you not just for the pretty (this is for those times when life throws a truck of cement on you and you actually survive) – pretty seekers may not necessarily stick around esp. if what’s left, is the cow in you !

5. (closely related to the last one) why is it that you get the shock of your life and see the injustice in people wanting you to perform what you get paid for?

Those who know what I do for a living will know what I mean. Ever noticed how humans sometimes do the most ridiculous of things – like wonder why they are being given a hard time for not doing their part! *sarcastic voice* ah could it be maybe because that’s why you are here to begin with – to do your job *wide eyes – blink-blink* would it not make better sense to stay at home if you don’t want to work? It would certainly be warmer there in winter!

6. (ok ok this one is very controversial) why is it that as woman we feel the need to compete with one another???

Really! Have you not seen it? You get those females that have made it a mission to look better, do better and to be at better… is it not exhausting? Always on the look out of someone who may out shine you? Honestly – does it matter that I got it on the street while you got it designer? Does it matter that you are louder and can dance better and you so have to show it to me and everyone there! See what usually happens is that you come out looking like desperate which ummm I don’t think was your point to begin with. Do you have to brake your back with them walk to try and stand out! *air head voice* OMG like try unique – it’s the new black! Lol (oh you know I be loving you all – warts, walks, nasty make up and all – you know who you are!) lol

7. (another controversial one) how and why does it seem to be you business that I have broken up with my boyfriend/ had a public fight with my husband/that it doesn’t bother me that I'm 32 and still single/am having lunch with Mr. Man/that I got the R600 handbag? How does that inturn become news you just have to tell someone about?

Close buddies will know what I mean. How does it become a matter of discussion and pleasure that my affairs are going sour esp. if your intention is not to help? I could never really full get this – the satisfaction that people get from this! Could it be that maybe cause your world is too dull and boring that you have to feed off my drama? That is not exactly something to be satisfied over *raised eyebrow* it should actually worry you enough to concentrate on your own thing! And what if I do splash out my cash? It aint yours – so why is it tickling your butt! So what that I have an expensive taste (this is for you girl – I ask this on behalf of you!)? if I maintain it my way why does it amaze you? Are there not enough things for you to be amazed at like why suicide bombers exist instead of the price of my shoes? Ahh com’on

8. (specking of that) what the hell is fascination with being a suicide bomber?

If you feel that you are too tiered of life and you wanna end it with a big bang – why would you wanna do it in crowded places? When you decided to commit suicide, it was a decision you made right – so why the heck would you wanna include people who haven’t made/will never make/are not insane enough to make that decision? If you wanna bomb yourself to pieces – do it on some mountain – away from people, grass, birds, other animals and trees. Well on the mountain, we know that rocks can handle it! Does that not make better sense? *looking around for an Amen!*

9. Why is it that the designer cloths are always the weirdest looking ones?

I kid you not. It would make the best sense that if I am going to over price a pair of jeans because of the INVISIBLE tag that they have, then I would make them look good. But because some of us (meaning all of you) are so much into public appearance, we settle to wearing nasty cloths and when some one questions our choice, our defence is: “well is [insert weird-well-known label name]” lol (weirdest thing!)

Before I too get blamed for not doing my job, I will stop here for now BUT mark my words, Part 2 of this post will come in future because there are more things I don’t get.

So what do you have on your list? Wanna share?

Can i switch it off please

-forever and ever babe...-

Hanging out with a buddy this weekend made me aware of something that came as a slight irritant to me actually.

Have you ever noticed the boy-girl dynamics around you? It’s everywhere and in all ages – weather it’s the couple sitting in the car, the ones holding hands in the mall or the ones sitting cosy at the restaurant, its all around us. Got me thinking – can we not help it but do the coupling thing? I'm thinking now of someone like me who is board stiff of the whole institution of dating – do I need to have it shoved in my face the whole time?

Ok ok so if the natural desire was not there, then I suppose I could just not even notice it but you try explain to my heart that I don’t really wanna do this anymore… (well unless if my heart could match me up with a sensible somebody with a fair share of personal baggage).

So I ask you again – CAN I SWITCH IT OFF PLAESE?

If you know me, then you would know what my hang ups are when it comes to the whole thing of dating. Just feel like it is so saturated with games and misleading. I think that sometimes, instead of it being about the knock-me-off-my-feet-good-all-over-feeling, it has been turned into something that carries so much pressure with it that it is enough to drive any well balanced and sane female (like me) over the edge.

My issues?

Well, don’t get me wrong, I'm the first to fully admit that relationships are tough and that sometimes, it is not on the one date where you will find a fella who will click with you but what’s up with all the other rubbish?

Bear with me here

- What happened to being liked for just YOU? Nowadays its all about status. I feel like my male counterparts are looking for females with benefits. Ok so women do do it too but should it not be that way? - that we are looking for the man that will be able to take care of me and my needs? Hance the want to asses his capabilities? Nowadays, MEN are looking for woman who will support them too and that to me is just way to wrong! What is this? Which century do you come from? All through human existence, men have gone out of their way to protect their woman… he has sometimes killed for her and yet here we sit in a generation we call sophisticated and we have men wanting to hide behind the woman and wanting to know how SHE will support HIM?? Am I the only one seeing red???? And then you expect me to smile at such happenings?

- COMMITMENT! Does that word mean any thing to my male counterparts? Man it gets to me to think that we are all crazed about the dating thing yet we don’t know one of its core values. I say this because well look around you – infidelity has become a trend even something to brag about sometimes. Well both for my fellow females and males… why carry on to hurt each other at such levels yet in some really warped breath you also mention the words love… does it make sense? Dating/getting to know somebody could possibly lead to a relationship and when that happens, commitment should not even be questioned. When you take the effort to be with this person, you immediately COMMITE to having their interests very high up on your list of priorities. If you feel that you cannot do this then maybe you should not be so quick to be holding hands at the mall and having cosy lunches. Never has that lead to any good… so why do it???

- There is no rush so breathe! Ok ok so it finally happens that smooth Mr. Man comes long and wow he is all that. He does it right, he shows signs of knowing what commitment means and then and then… 3 moths down the line, he talks marriage!!!!! *speechless* what the hell is up with that? Could you please take the time to know me first before you decide that you wanna be with me forever? Are you waiting to get some inheritance pay out when you get married or something??? For all you know, I could be psycho! (those who know me will know the answer to this lol). You have taken so much effort to get me to even notice you, so why not enjoy and busk on that stage for a while (a while does not equal 3 months)!

Ok ok, so I could go on and on about this topic but let me hold it here for now!

Am I the only one who feels like this?

Ok so together with me… CAN I SWITCH IT OFF PLEASE!

Do you not get it...

If you knew me you would know that I need you...


There was a time when I walked around with a chuffed smile knowing that I had you as my support. To me, giving that kinda support back to you was a no questions asked kind of thing and when the opportunity presented itself, I gave it my all and your response tells me I did well...

But now, I need you and you have let me down.

You have made me feel stupid for thinking that I could rely on you and you have pushed me aside like yesterday’s rubbish. Hurts!

Gets me thinking though – I think as humans, one of our coping mechanisms is knowing that we have at least one person out there who cares about us. I think as people we all want to know that we do not just exist but we are needed and wanted and appreciated. We want to know that to someone – just one person at least, we make their world that much better.

Yet why then is it so difficult to appreciate such people in our worlds? Or even to realise when they need the same thing from us?

I have always imagined that it is imperative to have the people that know you most around you at most times. I would like to think that my best girl friend knows how crazy I am about that new track and will pump up the volume when it comes on. I would like to think that my guy understands my love affair with chocolate cake and is loving enough to get it for me and watch me enjoy it (while I fall in love with him that much more). I would like to think that that girl I sit opposite at work is interested in me more than simply to cover her when she is out for too long during lunch but actually takes time to ask about my mom and my siblings...

Whatever happened to appreciating people around you and doing your little bit to make their world so much better? What happened to keeping loyal to your close confidants and having their back regardless of whether they have broken a nail or have just lost their father to cancer?

When are you going to realise that its not the big things that matter to me or even that at times – I don't want to have to tell you that I need you but want to trust you to know me enough to see this and be there – no questions asked...

Yet you still don't realise that I need you!