so what is your take?

So what is your take on the “Bitter Single Lady Syndrome”?

After reading the article, I took a little while to ponder over the issue:

I have been around women who are single and senior and while there is a handful of them who are this by choice, there are those who are like this because of what the article describes. Knowing this and having spoken (and even had some of them as personal friends), it got me thinking at what the fallout from such ‘ticking time bombs’ could be. Let me take a moment to tell you about this type of woman from my stand point:

She is bitter. This is something I see under the whole i-have-made-it-and-i-don't-need-no-man-or-anybody-else outfit. She walks around telling of how she has been wronged in the past by both men and woman alike and how she has now decided to be selfish. Sometimes, she is a little out of shape too, giving the excuse of comfort weight. Don't get me wrong, she is not ugly or mean – she is beautiful. She smiles with grace and carries herself as she should in public. She is opinionated and firm and is most of the time a pleasure to be around. Her horns come out when the conversation strays to relationships. She has an input alright – a negative one! No man is worthy to her. The men that could be round her at that time are given degrading names and described as panting behind her and of cause she doesn’t want them or think they could bring anything worth it to her... – she is complete she says.

Then, late at night when the hype has settled down and there are one or two left, her real feelings come out. She would like a man yes. She says she is ready only problem is that no one with the 8/10 grading marks has come her way. She wonders why she was never blessed with a man and hates the fact that her brief fling is now happily married and expecting his first born. What is she missing she asks? Is she that unlovable?

Sitting there and hearing this makes me wonder if I haven’t fallen into the same path (I'm singe yes but not senior or bitter YET!)

I know why...

And as much as I would love to tell her – I wonder if I should kick her while she is down...

Why is it that we have taken something that should be simple (to some extent) and turned it into a bitter war?

I'm thinking of a time when a man would want to get married, meet the woman, speak to her parents and after showing that he will be able to take care of her – they get married. These days, as a man, you don't only have to prove your ability to take care of her but also to what extent (a house in town, her own [insert big car name] car and jimmy choos once a month).

What happened to marrying someone based on first and foremost love and respect? On the ability to recognise your role in marriage and be willing to fulfil it – no questions asked?

I think the author of the article wanted to highlight the plight of sitting back and waiting for the best, perfect fish - letting all the others go for sometimes things that are small or even beyond their control. I think we woman have confused how that love emotion, that we are crazy about, should really work. Now we use it as an ego boost while we laugh from afar at the men that are sincere and who really, simply, just wan to love us. his head is too big, we say. He is short and comes from a weird family... CAN HE CHANGE THAT? What about you? He aint saying much about your mis-shaped figure or fat fingers... he loves you warts and all. What about his terrible habit of mismatching clothing colours – couldn’t you assist him with that?

No! You want him made like some ready-made-meal that comes from a box.

You turn all suitors down and as time goes, you disillusion yourself with that you don't need him. You say, he hasn’t come along yet and heaven forbid that your friend finds someone for you will never stop talking about how much of a dog he is.

HE LOVES HER and that is the best start!

It worries me that all these behaviour has consequences that run way beyond your immediate thought.

Question: do you know the doings of a desperate woman?

Ask a woman who has had her man targeted by a desperate woman and you will understand.

No one wants to be alone yes but, is it not your own doing that you are? You have analyzed John and classed him as not worthy simply because he has womanly looking hips or even a 3 digit bank balance. And now that your peers are all off and happy, you go mess it up by going after their men or even simply causing trouble where there is none (asking your friend why her husband seems to spend more time at the office lately????)

I say...

If you want to be unmarried then fine but make sure that you know why and work towards filling your world with other things.

IF U DO WANT TO GET MARRIED ONE DAY then hell, take off you ‘perfect man’ finder and start working at how you can reach closer to perfect for him. Doing so will defiantly pull your equivalent perfect to you. And when he does come along – give him a chance before you go shooting down his attempts and realise that he will make a mistake or two which you are also prone to make...

Think about this: when you go stetting standards – how do you fair against your own standards?

(a post on that will follow in the near future)

Signed

G-o-T

how did humans become their own worst enemies?

Call me weird if you like, but HOW DID HUMANS BECOME THEIR OWN WORST ENEMIES?

We live in an era where things have been made simpler, better and faster – would you not agree? With the logic behind it, you would think that this would lead to better functioning relations between human... dosn't look like thats happening.

Think about it....

Consider this:

INSTANT MEALS/EATING OUT – Nowadays, there is no need for the woman (or even the man) to spend hours in the kitchen prepairing a meal for a family. She dosnt even need to be in the kitchen at all sometimes with the wonder of the refrigerator. Good thing yes. Now she can have more time to take car of other chores. Cleaning the house... ahh wait, we have the VerimarkGenesis to help her out. So that chore time is cut by half. Now she will spend more time doing the washing... ah ahh wait, we have a washing machine for that now and so it goes with all the other time consuming things that we have o do on a daily basis... so it makes perfect sense to know use the time saved for all the other things that you say you have always wanted to do – like spend time with the kids, the partner and family... but do you?

With all this time we say we save, it worries me to think that we have also become the busiest that we have ever been in all human history. We seem to always be out there want to acquire more. We work MORE hours so that we can get paid MORE so that we can get MORE and afford MORE and hope that this will bring us MORE happy and MORE approval (from peers and family) and MORE and MORE and MORE and it just never stops...

I say we are becoming our own worst enemy cause it seems like with the quest to make life better, we have made it worse by making it more focussed on the superficial things. When was the last time you stopped to smell the flowers? Or even have lunch with a good old friend? When last did you sit and chat with your sibling? I feel like we are losing that all to important human element.

Was interesting to see an old yet interesting habit that my grandmother in the rural areas still does. When they meet on the street (cause everybody walks everywhere), they stop and take time to greet. Everyone knows everyone there. Or maybe even if passing a house and there are grown people sitting outside in their sight, they stop, greet and ask how everyone is doing.

Tell me – do you know the people that live next door to you? Do you know all their kids – by name? Would you know if the neighbour’s wife was sick or even if she had something bad happen to her?

These days, we are so busy getting more that we actually end up with nothing.

this is also not exactly doing much to help us as we may imagine (in a the less you know the less you worry kind of way). look at the up comming generations, they have no idea as how to hold, keep or even start succesful human realtions. they are rude and obnoxious. they fail to understand the concept of loyality and trust and it shows... the cracks are getting bigger and bigger.

the fellow feeling element is too very fine. these days we cant even help eachother out without wanting something in return. what about the way that, without even batting an eyelid, we can brake each other down with no regard what so ever. through gossip or violations... to this generation - our generation, it s all the same. its a shame really...

i for one am disaponted

signed
G-o-T

the thick coat of love

"how strong is your love?"

yesterday, i posted a post on the strength of woman.

there is but a more intense kind of strength that i thought deserved a whole post of its own... The Thick Coat Of Love...

i met a woman once. a married woman. who as far as  my knowledge went did all that was due of a married woman. she took care of her household. she was sumissive to her husband and took the gratest care in supprting him and ensured that his joy was something she constently saw to - whatever it may be.

this impressed me imensly well mainly becaue i am a young woman in a time and generation where something like this is looked down upon and viewd as weak by many.but well you know me, i looked deeper into this with the aim of learning more - or maybe even envy of some sort since she seemed to get some joy from this an it made her life content - knowing that she has done well by her husband as taught by her mother, grandmother and other wise women of old... i looked further and the discovery i made took my breath away (this does seem to happen quite a lot - the breath taking i mean)

how do you suppose this husband reacted to his wives unwavering committ to him?
well, he got a mistres...

see, at times, men have this unbelievable ability to not appriciate a good woman. purly my opinion.
how many stories of cheating men have you heard. in some instences, a man goes out to seek for something he thinks is missing in his life well mainly because he selfishly believes he is entitled to it. he leaves a perfect wife at home who is willing to move mountains for him and goes and looks for a bit of a thrill. when he comes back home - to his 'boring' wife - she has a warm plate of food ready for him and never demands knowing where he has been - because she trusts him.then with time, while his affair carries on, he starts to mistreat her.  he shouts at her and shoves. and what does she do... she takes it in her stride.when they do go out together, she honours him and will never say a bad word against him... yet it still dosnt click to him.

But of cause as all things go, it all comes out. His infidelities become known and the consequinces follow on... when he is down at his smallest, weighed down by his actions, ask me who is by his side helping him put it all together again --- his wife.


Not that she wasn’t hurt by his actions. Not that she dosnt have a choice to walk away and let him be – she does. She just chooses to stick by him. WHY? He is her husband and if she doesn’t stick by him, who else will?

This is an instance of the thick coat of love... see, I don't believe that love simply just disappears. It dies yes but not so easily. I have this never ending respect for woman who have a love so deep for their partners that, when allowable and reasonable, will stick by him regardless of how he messes up.

I feel that our generation is riddled with people who easily give up esp. When it comes o their marriage commitments. What happened to forever and ever till death do us part. Nowadays, your imperfect partners makes a mistake and without even trying, its out the door for you, ready and willing to move on with somebody else. Am I the only one who is confused by such situations?

Please, don't get me wrong. I fully believe in walking away when its healthy for you – but not in giving up simply beacse the gong has gotten tough. No body said that this was going to be a walk in the park and if you believe so, then maybe you shouldn’t have gone into it to begin with...

Do you own a designer Thick Coat Of Love?

Look out for further posts on this topic.



Signed

G-o-T