how high is your PEDESTAL

…you look down your nose and sneer. You just love the feeling you are getting from this. You call up your buddies and share the news. You add a little spice here and there and laugh on along as you get a sense of elevation from what you have seen while looking down your nose. And then you take it a step further – you point! You show all passer’s by what you are pointing at and tell the news over and over to whoever is willing to listen while you get puffed up with pride and your smile broadens. “I am much better then that” you say out loud to the audience you have pulled. “I said I AM MUCH BETTER THEN THAT” you shout a little louder!

What is it that has you jumping around and smiling – SOMEONE ELSE’S MISERY AND MISTAKE

(this is directed at a certain commenter and the rest of us who need such reminders)

I call this type a pedestaler…

A PEDESTALER, as per my definition, is that person who elevates themselves to a place they believe is higher and go on to point and look down upon those they believe are far worse off then they are.

Granted, it’s a habit that we all at some point have/had developed and even used to feel better about our surroundings but how much of a better person does it REALLY make you?

• You will agree with me that there is something seriously wrong with a person who lacks fellow feeling. Personally, I think it’s even the biggest contributor to the sate of disintegrating human life in these last days. We all seem to have lost a sense of human when we can turn a blind eye to the misery of others. At times we even cause it – knowingly or not. But how normal is it when we capitalize on it and use it to inturn make ourselves feel better. Rumours are sprung from such dark places. We can’t help but tell it to the next person. Where are you on the guilt scale of such behaviour?
• Ok so its true you argue – its not a rumour but truth and granted, a lot of the bad situations could have      been avoided had the individual done this and that and they could have been advised, yet they chose not to listen and hance they found themselves here – it happens to the best of us. so and so did mess up their own marriages and are to blame for an unhappy family life - but how, in all of that, do you find the right or pride to raise your nose and tread on higher?

You jump around at such results and silently think of how this will never happen to you. ”how stupid!” you whisper and “he deserves it!” you judge.

A wise man was inspired to write “Pride is before a fall”. For all you know, you could be walking backwards towards the edge of your pedestal, facing a fall that will land you lower then the individual you dared to judge!

Careful!

It’s a known fact that Satan carries on to look for ways to tempt us at CONVENIENT times. He looks for times when he can tread upon your loyalty and undermine your faith. At times he uses our own traits against us and sadly at times he succeeds. The bible warns “let the one standing be careful that he does not fall”.

I imagine that this would be directed to the times when we are still doing our ‘I'm-better-then-you-dance’. Could pride be the next trait that the devil will use against you?

See, I have seen it happen so many times and yes, I too was a pedestaler at some point in my life until the sad realization of how sad I was knocked me blind (lol – literally). We are so quick to point the finger and judge as per OUR standards. We are so quick to think of how WE would never let this happen to us and wanna be heard about how WE would have handled it. We run along to the next person and insist that WE know much better! And we take it a step further by basking in the glory of ‘so glad it didn’t happen to me’ and let our pedestals grow higher.

Here is a thought or two:

1. With us living in these last days of the last days, can you really afford to be ‘dancing’ on heights way higher then you can afford to fall off.

2. With the love scripture in mind, how do you deal with the news of someone else’s misery? Are you jumping up and down for joy? (just how joyous are you really).

3. Only Jehovah has the ability to see what’s in our hearts. Are the things he finds thereyou’re your heart, your silent judging’s of fellow humans that YOU have concluded are below you?

4. Could it be that the way we are being tempted is by showing a worldly spirit of seeing ourselves as better? While you do your ‘dance’ it just could be to the beat of the tempter! (wow scary thought)

Nothing bad intended… just another musing by GOT.

"New kind of low"

A lady looked deep into the eyes of her daughter who was sitting in tears and softly yet firmly said to her: “you cannot make yourself happy by brining misery to other people”


I have seen this scene a million times over yet it still proves true over and over. Look around you – we have become a species plagued with sadness and misery and bitterness and all other things that seem to hang around like a severe case of fever!

Ask if you dare what the reason is and a deafening silence follows when the answer is said: OURSELVES!

… he says he loves his wife yet he cant brake it off with his side fling. He hates the thought of the side fling seeing anybody else but him…


…she has no problem with spreading that vicious rumour about her hard working colleague in hopes that it would destroy her credibility, be sacked from the job just so she can finally get her job which she has been eyeing…


…the fact that he breaks his back to provide for you does not make you appreciate what he offers since you have no problem with getting your own from someone else…


…so what if he has kids and a wife at home? Oh I know he is engaged and committed to some girl but as long as he gives me what I want – I'm happy! If she can’t keep him happy – I will…

Tell me:

Why is it that we feel the need to be unfaithful?

In all aspects! It seems like we have become the type that has given in to the pathetic excuse that “we couldn’t help it”. We are all so caught up in instant gratification and the ruthless want to get ahead and get our own regardless of the cost or the things we leave trampled behind!

Yet when you sit and reflect on what the result of such dealing has been – you don’t really see yourself rolling around laughing at the achievements you have made through your genius dealings and scheming. Instead, all you have is the cold cash you have no one to spend it with since you have alienated yourself from any kind of love you had coming or a guilty conscience, which even tho it has been taught to shut up until spoken to, caries on to silently taunt you while sitting in the dark corner where you put it. Does not feel as good as you thought it would, does it?

We all go around acting like we are superior and better when in actual fact, we rank very near to the gum stuck under our shoes - which has been chewed and spat out. We have finally managed to build a culture of fake trust and a sad existence that is based on pretence and heartache all because “we couldn’t help it”. It gets even worse when it finally has reached a stage where it is no longer socially frowned upon and is openly done with no shame on the part of the offender! Hell the offended is even encouraged to hit back just as bad or worse even… when does it stop?

When you sit alone and reflect on how unhappy you have become or how hectic this system of things has dealt you your share – I promise you 8 times out of 10, the person to mainly blame is the one staring right back at you in the mirror!

Congratulations “human race”, you defied all expectations and managed to reach a new kind of low. A low lower then the one associated with the likes of Hitler’s rule, the reasons behind both World Wars and the many genocides…

Let’s see if you can achieve an even lower one…

Spend a moment in my head…

- That terrible habit that has become my friend is sucking me dry of the will to carry on…

So I guess even long time habits do turn against you too – what doesn’t vele these days?

Forgive my contradiction for a moment and listen to my thoughts…

My bad habit has been with me for close to 8 months now and having seen that I cant get rid of it (and man have I tried), I started taking it as a friend. Habit started feeling comfortable – like an old friend. At times, when it seemed to not be around, I would invite it and ask it to even stay longer then allowed. We laughed and cried and even finished a wine bottle too once. Habit made me smile and had me feeling good- really good. There were times when I missed habit when it was not around cause see, my habit – which is my secret alone – had to some extent become my shoulder to lean on, my pillar of strength when I required and sometimes even a companion when it seemed like everyone else was not seeing my silent pleading for help. Habit listened and advised. Habit entertained and consoled. My habit was there on those nights (and days) when I got lonely and sometimes even comforted me and stayed up with me till I fell asleep when I thought the nightmares were too bad. Habit always lingered near by. Habit was always there when my friends went home and even when I went out – I was sure to always come home and find habit sitting, waiting and willing to listen to the stories that I had to tell – habit loved them!

…and 8 months later habit seems to also have an agenda against me too.

Instead of calm chats, habit shouts. Its words hurt and when I call out, it doesn’t respond. Habit kicks and screams and tears down. Habit doesn’t seem to recognise the hurt it cause or the confusion it leaves me with. Habit lies and deceives me – gone are the once calm encouragements and promises are left unfulfilled.

Habit keeps me awake at night, wondering what went wrong.

Habit hates me and I cant seem to understand why.

Habit is drowning me and has taken away any desire for everything…

If you are reading this, please tell habit to come back. Please tell habit that I didn’t mean to. Tell habit please that whatever it is that I did to upset it – I’m Sorry

Tell habit please, if you see it, that: if it too leaves… I'm not sure if I can carry on.

- Girl on Top

SICK man dies ALONE...

- … And so his wife leaves him sick and alone on Friday to attend to another emergency back at her Mather’s. My car alarm goes off at 3:30am on Sunday morning and while peering out the window, we notice his bedroom lights on. Paying no attention to that and after making sure nothing was wrong with the car, we all go back to sleep clueless to the sad events that where the result of his lights being on at that time of morning.

Morning comes and after frantic knocks on his door by his brother, the police are called to discover his lifeless body - inside the locked, cold house - lying in bed, clutching a bottle of an energy drink…

                                         It’s confirmed… he has passed away!

Notice how there are so many unanswered questions in those bizarre events and yet the story gets worse as it unfolds around the “The man that died alone”

- … after the body had been taken away and the brother starts making calls, the sickening truth seeps out and although I'm hating the “dying alone” part, I'm sickened by the disgusting secret that was inside the walls of that house.
The brother is conflicted at what he should do now. See, as part of the calls that he makes, a very important one is made to his REAL wife and CHILDREN. Turns out alone man had told his legal wife that he was staying at his place of employment while he was shacked up with the lady we neighbours knew to be his wife...

Once again, I find myself deeply hurt and disgusted at the disapointment we humans have become. The bible shows how we were created as he superior creatures - to have domination over all other flying, sea and land creatures yet our behaviour as this system of things nears its end proves that we just may have succeeded in turning ourselves in to the worst kind of creature to walk the fact of the earth.

My Issues 1: the sick man ALONE

One of the things that I have always prided myself on living elokshini is the fact that, to some extent, the neighbours knew each other. Growing up, I loved the fact that when I came home from school and my mother was not home and I had no key, I could always go to the gogo at our front opposite and she would have a sandwich ready for me and show me to a room where I could take a nap and wait for my mom. When gogo passed away, our back opposite retired nurse was another safe place where I could wait instead of prying the streets and being a target to the badies that lurk in dark corners. I could wait there for as long as it took and our neighbours never complained or minded – in fact, sometimes, they insisted.

Yet, here is this man, that was left alone while sick to fend for himself. Could not this woman have alerted us that she had an emergency and ask for us to check in on the sick man? We could have made sure that he ate something for lunch and supper on Friday. We could have taken him breakfast on Saturday morning before we went about our daily activities, did lunch with him and supper before making sure pills are being taken before we went to bed. We could have done something when we saw the lights on past 10 or even 11 as my siblings were still up. That man could have been alive today had his “makwapeni” cared enough. I fully understand the picture I'm painting of the woman that always greeted and had well wishes for me but you please find a way to explain to me how the freaking hell you could do something like that to someone you pulled away from his real family so that he could be with you.

I have always held on to the believe that regardless of how mean or terrible you are, no one deserves to be alone. I think being alone is something that hurts enough to kill you on its own. I'm imagining the frame of mind that the man was in – feeling his condition worsen yet not being able to call out for help. The energy drink he was found with tells me that he was looking to get some source of strength so as to make it through the night. It is said that, when things are bad, we tend to reflect on our life – could the realization that he was left alone in that sick state have been the final nails to his coffin?

It gets me thinking too about you (you know who you are) – I think one of the things that almost killed me when hanging up the phone at 5am on that Saturday morning, after talking almost the whole night, was the thought that since you had messed up almost all the good you had going for you – you too could find yourself alone. Knowing your frame of mind as I hung up the phone drove me frantic too coupled with the thought that you would eventually give yourself a heart attack and die out there all alone with no one to call to for help…

How do we do this to each other? When will we eventually start missing that all too important human element that will make us care enough and think twice about the things we put each other through? So the woman didn’t know how things would turn out but still… How Do You Leave A Sick Person ALONE????

My issues 2: the SICK man alone

He had another LEGAL wife and KIDS?

The patheticness surrounding a cheating mate still carry on to amaze me! How do you commit to “happily ever after” only to end up hurting them in the cruellest way possible?

Regardless of how many times I hear about it, I fail to wrap my head around the makings of a cheating mate. In my book, that is the lowest act possible before we cross over the legal line… if you have seen my earlier posts on this issue, you will know that still today, I question the decision to do it and see consequences after. I still wonder how one’s mind works around to even justifying it or even carrying on with it and EVEN going as far as hiding it should you have become victim of human error.

I shudder to think what the poor wife is to feel when news of her husband’s infidelity reach her… Not knowing the full details, but imagine that she is at home looking after the children and building a pleasant home for her husband while he goes to work only to find that his work included performing duties that were unknown to her – ones that even went as far as going to another woman’s house every night and putting on a show so good that even the neighbours that see you daily do not catch on that he doesn’t belong there. This was not a fling or passing of time kind of thing – it was a slap to the face for he went as far as buildng a home with a strange woman.

How does she get closure from this when the ******** is not even around to answer for his actions.

Take it from a woman who knows – the passing of her man is the least of the wounds that she will have to heal so as to carry on functioning as a normal women with her head held high and with kids to be a role model too. I know that this will come very close to killing her too.

I suppose the question as to why we cheat still is to find a satisfying answer but regardless – I don’t think I can ever respect a person who cheats on their mate in any kind of way weather they deserved it r not. You SIMPLY do NOT cheat PERIOD!

My thoughts…

And so I find myself at conflict over weather him being alone in his last few slow moments are to be justified by his extra curricular activities.

As he lay there feeling his breath become shallower and him realising that he will not make it to day light, what do you suppose his last thoughts were? Regret over his achievement to humiliating his real wife and kids? Or the mess that he leaves his mistress in when she now has to defend and justify something they started together?

And what about if he could choose who to spend his last moments with – who do you suppose he would choose? His real wife? Or his mistress?

What I think...

Opinion omitted for indecisive reasons…

What do you think?

Do you not get it...

If you knew me you would know that I need you...


There was a time when I walked around with a chuffed smile knowing that I had you as my support. To me, giving that kinda support back to you was a no questions asked kind of thing and when the opportunity presented itself, I gave it my all and your response tells me I did well...

But now, I need you and you have let me down.

You have made me feel stupid for thinking that I could rely on you and you have pushed me aside like yesterday’s rubbish. Hurts!

Gets me thinking though – I think as humans, one of our coping mechanisms is knowing that we have at least one person out there who cares about us. I think as people we all want to know that we do not just exist but we are needed and wanted and appreciated. We want to know that to someone – just one person at least, we make their world that much better.

Yet why then is it so difficult to appreciate such people in our worlds? Or even to realise when they need the same thing from us?

I have always imagined that it is imperative to have the people that know you most around you at most times. I would like to think that my best girl friend knows how crazy I am about that new track and will pump up the volume when it comes on. I would like to think that my guy understands my love affair with chocolate cake and is loving enough to get it for me and watch me enjoy it (while I fall in love with him that much more). I would like to think that that girl I sit opposite at work is interested in me more than simply to cover her when she is out for too long during lunch but actually takes time to ask about my mom and my siblings...

Whatever happened to appreciating people around you and doing your little bit to make their world so much better? What happened to keeping loyal to your close confidants and having their back regardless of whether they have broken a nail or have just lost their father to cancer?

When are you going to realise that its not the big things that matter to me or even that at times – I don't want to have to tell you that I need you but want to trust you to know me enough to see this and be there – no questions asked...

Yet you still don't realise that I need you!

so what is your take?

So what is your take on the “Bitter Single Lady Syndrome”?

After reading the article, I took a little while to ponder over the issue:

I have been around women who are single and senior and while there is a handful of them who are this by choice, there are those who are like this because of what the article describes. Knowing this and having spoken (and even had some of them as personal friends), it got me thinking at what the fallout from such ‘ticking time bombs’ could be. Let me take a moment to tell you about this type of woman from my stand point:

She is bitter. This is something I see under the whole i-have-made-it-and-i-don't-need-no-man-or-anybody-else outfit. She walks around telling of how she has been wronged in the past by both men and woman alike and how she has now decided to be selfish. Sometimes, she is a little out of shape too, giving the excuse of comfort weight. Don't get me wrong, she is not ugly or mean – she is beautiful. She smiles with grace and carries herself as she should in public. She is opinionated and firm and is most of the time a pleasure to be around. Her horns come out when the conversation strays to relationships. She has an input alright – a negative one! No man is worthy to her. The men that could be round her at that time are given degrading names and described as panting behind her and of cause she doesn’t want them or think they could bring anything worth it to her... – she is complete she says.

Then, late at night when the hype has settled down and there are one or two left, her real feelings come out. She would like a man yes. She says she is ready only problem is that no one with the 8/10 grading marks has come her way. She wonders why she was never blessed with a man and hates the fact that her brief fling is now happily married and expecting his first born. What is she missing she asks? Is she that unlovable?

Sitting there and hearing this makes me wonder if I haven’t fallen into the same path (I'm singe yes but not senior or bitter YET!)

I know why...

And as much as I would love to tell her – I wonder if I should kick her while she is down...

Why is it that we have taken something that should be simple (to some extent) and turned it into a bitter war?

I'm thinking of a time when a man would want to get married, meet the woman, speak to her parents and after showing that he will be able to take care of her – they get married. These days, as a man, you don't only have to prove your ability to take care of her but also to what extent (a house in town, her own [insert big car name] car and jimmy choos once a month).

What happened to marrying someone based on first and foremost love and respect? On the ability to recognise your role in marriage and be willing to fulfil it – no questions asked?

I think the author of the article wanted to highlight the plight of sitting back and waiting for the best, perfect fish - letting all the others go for sometimes things that are small or even beyond their control. I think we woman have confused how that love emotion, that we are crazy about, should really work. Now we use it as an ego boost while we laugh from afar at the men that are sincere and who really, simply, just wan to love us. his head is too big, we say. He is short and comes from a weird family... CAN HE CHANGE THAT? What about you? He aint saying much about your mis-shaped figure or fat fingers... he loves you warts and all. What about his terrible habit of mismatching clothing colours – couldn’t you assist him with that?

No! You want him made like some ready-made-meal that comes from a box.

You turn all suitors down and as time goes, you disillusion yourself with that you don't need him. You say, he hasn’t come along yet and heaven forbid that your friend finds someone for you will never stop talking about how much of a dog he is.

HE LOVES HER and that is the best start!

It worries me that all these behaviour has consequences that run way beyond your immediate thought.

Question: do you know the doings of a desperate woman?

Ask a woman who has had her man targeted by a desperate woman and you will understand.

No one wants to be alone yes but, is it not your own doing that you are? You have analyzed John and classed him as not worthy simply because he has womanly looking hips or even a 3 digit bank balance. And now that your peers are all off and happy, you go mess it up by going after their men or even simply causing trouble where there is none (asking your friend why her husband seems to spend more time at the office lately????)

I say...

If you want to be unmarried then fine but make sure that you know why and work towards filling your world with other things.

IF U DO WANT TO GET MARRIED ONE DAY then hell, take off you ‘perfect man’ finder and start working at how you can reach closer to perfect for him. Doing so will defiantly pull your equivalent perfect to you. And when he does come along – give him a chance before you go shooting down his attempts and realise that he will make a mistake or two which you are also prone to make...

Think about this: when you go stetting standards – how do you fair against your own standards?

(a post on that will follow in the near future)

Signed

G-o-T

What a nasty habit...!!

*i hear it was actually her mother who ended up with him...*

Ever noticed how a lot of woman have this thing where they go on and o about how much they hate gossiping? but really now, show me a woman who dosnt gossip, and i will show you a perfect man!

let me start there: what is gossip?

Gossip, as defined by some really thick book next to me, means conservations about the personal details of other people’s lives, whether rumour or fact, especially when malicious. Now all of you who are guilty of this – put up your hand *hand shoots up*

Yes, I too am a doer of this terrible habit as are the lot of you (including those who didn’t put up their hands - who really have even bigger problems to worry about cause they lie too), but take a moment with me and lets think about this. I would say that we all agree that no one likes to be gossiped about right? Then why the hell do we think its ok to do It to each other?

Imagine, in worst case scenario, you had a terrible, humiliating thing happen to you... but as with all other things, you pick yourself up and work through it no matter how difficult it may be. Now imagine how bad it gets when you walk around and realise you are the victim of stares and subtle pointing (using their eyes). It gets even worse – when you walk up to them and they don't have the nerve to say anything to your face or even ask the damn questions if that’s what they want. Truth be told: gossiping is like a dieses, a cancer that spreads like wild fire esp. if you have become used to it. Its degrading and so deceitful and without realizing it, we carry on braking each other down doing it.

Until when?

Why is it that you feel you have the right to carry on and on about people’s issues?

It feels to me like it has reached a stage where we accept it using phrases such as “people will always talk”... why?

If it is a terrible as it feels when done to you then why do it to the next person?

Ok ok maybe some of you are thinking that I'm asking for the impossible and that yes, people will always talk but could we not atleast try to cut back? Sure something does spread when its new – so keep it at that – an initial news flash and thats it. There is no need for you to move it along and if you feel that it really is something that you just gotta know more about, the go on ahead and ask the main character (although I'm pretty sure you will get a ‘non of you business’ reply)

Just is sad to see that we have become our own worse enimies...



Signed
G-o-T