Could i actually do it?

I have thoughts of quitting my job so I can go be a free spirit… live for the day and do the exact things that make me happy…

Should I? Should I not?

I have this insatiable need to want to feel needed and irreplaceable. I suppose to some degree, we all do. There is just something with knowing that without me, some things will not carry on as they should neither will they ever be the same. There is a certain excitement from knowing that no one can do what I do best as good as I do it and that right there is the fuel to the burning reason why I still find myself sitting here week after week trying to hold it together. But here is a question for you: is it worth it all?

I suppose another culprit that seems to be hanging around unpunished, is the need to want to be in control of my tomorrow. I wanna know how I will afford the rest of my life. I wanna know how I will support my McFlurry addiction and the impulsive decisions to go meet up with my beau when ever, where ever. I don’t want to have to wonder or ask. I don’t wanna have to scrape through and be obsessed about the R20 I'm sure I left in my jean pocket… I wanna be in control of it all. Yet here is another question for you: Is it worth it all?

Regardless of how much my two main reasons make sense and regardless of how much they seem sane enough to hold on to, I still find myself with an even stronger desire to want to quit and go do other carefree things that although not guaranteed to feed my two obsessive reasons but would bring an even bigger amount of joy and satisfaction. So what do I do? Do I throw it all to caution and take the huge leap of faith? And what happens if my faith has dried up and I land with a (painfully) loud thump – head first? What happens if I do go to the scraping and endless ramblings about that damn R20 that was just here (until I remember how the craving of the McFlurry kicked in and I gave in)?

I suppose truth of the matter is: there is no way of knowing how things will turn out regardless of what I do decide to do. There is no sure way of knowing that my obsessive reasons will actually be there long enough for me to carry on holding on to. Truth of the matter comes down to the pen and paper I am puling out to start a long list of pro’s and con’s (just like they forced us to do back in LO – maybe it actually does work) and depending on which side looks most sane, this is the decision I will make of cause pre-faced with a whole lot more consultations with the Grand Provider, the wise parents and the highly esteemed opinion of the beau.