Lets try this again...

so how many times have you fallen and stood up?

sitting in a heap on my bed room floor, i ask this question with the aim of wanting to know how many times i will have to do this again. it seems to me like regardless of how many times we all trip, scream and try to hold on before the loud crashing fall, we always manage to at some point stand up again. EVERYTIME. true for some people it could take a couple of years but with time, it eventually happens.

while on the floor, looking for some grip to help pull me up, i wonder too about my stumbling blocks - the ones that always manage to trip me and i realize, they all form part of the same huge stone. i laugh at the discovery and think like those heros in the lame movies... "to finally rid myself of the falling reflex, i need to get to he source and destroy it forever" (queue the triamphet music and a ray of sun light on the hero's face).
"finally rid myself"... the words echo in my mind while the answer dances around in my head... Answer?
NEVER!!!

see, my stumbling block is not one that can be pushed aside at will or even taken on when feelings of self pity pop around for tea. my block does not stand around like a misplaced object in the middle of a room wondering if it shall get moved. my block, strangly, is not huge and ugly and a mess. No, my stumbling block is  part of me. it comes in a shade that works well with my life decore and hell most of the time it can be passed off as part of the room. my block is small yet powerfull. it screams independence and demands attention... its proud and classic and well is sometimes envied... See MY block is a part of me - an essential part of me.

(i suppose this could explain why my bedroom carpert has become a good place to rest for ever so often i find myself there when my block rears its dominating head)

New plan of action.... I NEED A NEW PLAN OF ACTION before i stand up again so that we could make sure that this time, im up there for a bit longer.
"mmmm bueatifully painted stumbling block... oh how do i get rid of you or atleast make you smaller...??"
*thinking*

Starting to feel a little numb from the hard cold floor, i decide to stand up and leave the "To make stumbling block smaller" plan for another day. i decide to enjoy the stand up and the time i spend up there a bit more before the great war with BLOCK starts again...
untill then... the feeling in side is: IM UP! IM UP! shall we try this again...

signed
GoT