Its been a good 5 months since the “knock” and looking back,
I would like to think that I walk towards the exit sign a calmer, more mature
psycho then I was going in.It is said that: what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger… I'm not sure if that is quite correct but I would like to rather put it as: what doesn’t kill us, changes us - and that is what I believe has happened to me.
Granted, my tolerance levels have dropped but, gone are the days when I walked around clueless and less afflicted by my surroundings. Through it all, I managed to come out of all this able to discuss it calmly and still manage to smile honestly. I would like to think that I have become more appreciative and that FINALLY – I realize where my value and valuables are at.
I love the
look of confidence that I give to my minders. The look that says: I know you
thought I wouldn’t but I did – and while I'm at it – don’t I look great? Lol
No. Honestly, umm I have gone through most of my existence
with a band of minders who I know have waited in bated breath for the time when
I will rise no more. I have known for some time that, it is not all that smile
my way who do so simply as an honest feeling but more like a search to see if I
will return a smile back… and well I do – honestly and for the first time it
feels good.
Why it happens though is beyond me. Why is it that we thrive
on the afflictions of others? Why is it that we wait for our enviers to fall
before we feel like we have made it/ that we can make it?
I'm ready. I'm ready to do honest and straight.
I'm ready to let in essential and remove all dirt – with pride too I may add.
Amongst all the ****
that came in with the “knock”, I have found that it brought a sense of freedom
too. Freedom from the things I thought defined me. From the things that I held
so tightly to, bounded by the idea that they make me – they didn’t! They
don’t!
A psycho I remain but one with more depth and understanding…
Now at the brink of yet another different direction I take, I
cant help but be filled with the hopes for a better rest of my life. There will
be, yes, moments of pure panic (like only I can do them) and tones more tears
but I'm sure ill be just fine.
Standing at the street corner waiting for the next ride into
new experiences, I have my shoes polished, my lunch packed and a broad smile on
my face…
“I will prove them wrong”, I muse.
Time has come for GoT to explore the other side of things
and it starts her…
Taking
the plunge from Miss Ree to a freaking fancy MRS REE!!!
