Do you not get it...

If you knew me you would know that I need you...


There was a time when I walked around with a chuffed smile knowing that I had you as my support. To me, giving that kinda support back to you was a no questions asked kind of thing and when the opportunity presented itself, I gave it my all and your response tells me I did well...

But now, I need you and you have let me down.

You have made me feel stupid for thinking that I could rely on you and you have pushed me aside like yesterday’s rubbish. Hurts!

Gets me thinking though – I think as humans, one of our coping mechanisms is knowing that we have at least one person out there who cares about us. I think as people we all want to know that we do not just exist but we are needed and wanted and appreciated. We want to know that to someone – just one person at least, we make their world that much better.

Yet why then is it so difficult to appreciate such people in our worlds? Or even to realise when they need the same thing from us?

I have always imagined that it is imperative to have the people that know you most around you at most times. I would like to think that my best girl friend knows how crazy I am about that new track and will pump up the volume when it comes on. I would like to think that my guy understands my love affair with chocolate cake and is loving enough to get it for me and watch me enjoy it (while I fall in love with him that much more). I would like to think that that girl I sit opposite at work is interested in me more than simply to cover her when she is out for too long during lunch but actually takes time to ask about my mom and my siblings...

Whatever happened to appreciating people around you and doing your little bit to make their world so much better? What happened to keeping loyal to your close confidants and having their back regardless of whether they have broken a nail or have just lost their father to cancer?

When are you going to realise that its not the big things that matter to me or even that at times – I don't want to have to tell you that I need you but want to trust you to know me enough to see this and be there – no questions asked...

Yet you still don't realise that I need you!

so what is your take?

So what is your take on the “Bitter Single Lady Syndrome”?

After reading the article, I took a little while to ponder over the issue:

I have been around women who are single and senior and while there is a handful of them who are this by choice, there are those who are like this because of what the article describes. Knowing this and having spoken (and even had some of them as personal friends), it got me thinking at what the fallout from such ‘ticking time bombs’ could be. Let me take a moment to tell you about this type of woman from my stand point:

She is bitter. This is something I see under the whole i-have-made-it-and-i-don't-need-no-man-or-anybody-else outfit. She walks around telling of how she has been wronged in the past by both men and woman alike and how she has now decided to be selfish. Sometimes, she is a little out of shape too, giving the excuse of comfort weight. Don't get me wrong, she is not ugly or mean – she is beautiful. She smiles with grace and carries herself as she should in public. She is opinionated and firm and is most of the time a pleasure to be around. Her horns come out when the conversation strays to relationships. She has an input alright – a negative one! No man is worthy to her. The men that could be round her at that time are given degrading names and described as panting behind her and of cause she doesn’t want them or think they could bring anything worth it to her... – she is complete she says.

Then, late at night when the hype has settled down and there are one or two left, her real feelings come out. She would like a man yes. She says she is ready only problem is that no one with the 8/10 grading marks has come her way. She wonders why she was never blessed with a man and hates the fact that her brief fling is now happily married and expecting his first born. What is she missing she asks? Is she that unlovable?

Sitting there and hearing this makes me wonder if I haven’t fallen into the same path (I'm singe yes but not senior or bitter YET!)

I know why...

And as much as I would love to tell her – I wonder if I should kick her while she is down...

Why is it that we have taken something that should be simple (to some extent) and turned it into a bitter war?

I'm thinking of a time when a man would want to get married, meet the woman, speak to her parents and after showing that he will be able to take care of her – they get married. These days, as a man, you don't only have to prove your ability to take care of her but also to what extent (a house in town, her own [insert big car name] car and jimmy choos once a month).

What happened to marrying someone based on first and foremost love and respect? On the ability to recognise your role in marriage and be willing to fulfil it – no questions asked?

I think the author of the article wanted to highlight the plight of sitting back and waiting for the best, perfect fish - letting all the others go for sometimes things that are small or even beyond their control. I think we woman have confused how that love emotion, that we are crazy about, should really work. Now we use it as an ego boost while we laugh from afar at the men that are sincere and who really, simply, just wan to love us. his head is too big, we say. He is short and comes from a weird family... CAN HE CHANGE THAT? What about you? He aint saying much about your mis-shaped figure or fat fingers... he loves you warts and all. What about his terrible habit of mismatching clothing colours – couldn’t you assist him with that?

No! You want him made like some ready-made-meal that comes from a box.

You turn all suitors down and as time goes, you disillusion yourself with that you don't need him. You say, he hasn’t come along yet and heaven forbid that your friend finds someone for you will never stop talking about how much of a dog he is.

HE LOVES HER and that is the best start!

It worries me that all these behaviour has consequences that run way beyond your immediate thought.

Question: do you know the doings of a desperate woman?

Ask a woman who has had her man targeted by a desperate woman and you will understand.

No one wants to be alone yes but, is it not your own doing that you are? You have analyzed John and classed him as not worthy simply because he has womanly looking hips or even a 3 digit bank balance. And now that your peers are all off and happy, you go mess it up by going after their men or even simply causing trouble where there is none (asking your friend why her husband seems to spend more time at the office lately????)

I say...

If you want to be unmarried then fine but make sure that you know why and work towards filling your world with other things.

IF U DO WANT TO GET MARRIED ONE DAY then hell, take off you ‘perfect man’ finder and start working at how you can reach closer to perfect for him. Doing so will defiantly pull your equivalent perfect to you. And when he does come along – give him a chance before you go shooting down his attempts and realise that he will make a mistake or two which you are also prone to make...

Think about this: when you go stetting standards – how do you fair against your own standards?

(a post on that will follow in the near future)

Signed

G-o-T

Very VERY well written

i have a thing for well written articals and having received this one a while back, it still gets me thinking...

not sure who wrote it but it was very very well done.
(discussion on it shall follow in future posts)

The myth that women can be single, senior and satisfied is the greatest, LIE by chauvinist


Young women beware; you will soon get into the trap many girls have found themselves in - single, senior and disillusioned. Do not go far; look at yourself in the mirror. There is no way that beauty, that grace, could have been created to be admired only on the mirror.

Life is better when shared, try it! The myth that you can be single, senior and satisfied has been spreading faster than even the gospel itself. Incidentally, those who spread it have never been married and may never marry. There is no denying that there are lots of unhappy marriages. There are also very many happy marriages. There are a lot of women who would do anything to remain married.

In marriage, they have found meaning, satisfaction, happiness and a purpose for life. I wonder where the myth came from. It could be we are victims of our own success. We got education and we are now in the Cabinet. What next? We have forgotten that material things, jobs, status never satisfy. It is other people who satisfy.

As we go up the academic or career ladder, we burn too many bridges because of the myth that men are brutes, will mistreat you, will leave you for a younger woman and cannot be trusted. We rarely blame ourselves.

I know many women who are reckless and their husbands regret marrying them. Many women will agree with me that we are actually better cheaters than men, except that men are foolish enough to be caught!

This myth that life is better without a man has found a very fertile ground among young girls after they read novels, follow soppy soaps and movies where actors are paid to say anything. These and other lobbies have made young women see marriage as a plague to avoid, leading to disillusionment and emotional misery.

As teenagers we are attractive. Every man, from the youngest to the oldest, is after us. This attraction goes on till we get into campus.

Unfortunately, by the end of third year, the cheer leading crowd made of speculators, all after sex, has diminished significantly. We think at this age that we are ideal.

Suddenly in our mid- 20s, we realize that all the men who hovered around us like flies were opportunists and are gone. We become very hostile to men. We spend hours talking about our ex, never exes! We love embarrassing men and talking about it.

Once bitten twice shy. After getting booted a number of times, we now start analyzing any man who tries to approach us. But since men behave almost the same way in wooing us or seducing us, we find it hard to differentiate a serious man from a joker.

Time passes as we do our naive analysis. Unfortunately, as we become more experienced in analysis, fewer men come by, meaning the few we get, the more we scrutinize them and the more faults we find in them.

Those of us who do not marry in our 20s will go past 30 into the age of reality. We will realize that men are not that bad. They can be tamed and a bird at hand is worth many in the bush.

The reality is that at this age, there are younger and more attractive competitors. We find security in numbers, "I am not the only single woman." We also find refuge in new churches that do not demand too much from us except tithe. Many single women above 30 have a curious attraction to the church.

The reality has another side. By 30s we have traveled to wherever our hearts desired. We have a house and other earthly dreams. We realize that our life is still empty, meaningless. We realize it is the small things that matter, a hug in the moonlight, cuddling a baby, and nothing can replace trust in man for life.

The hardest reality is seeing our younger sisters, former classmates and friends, all married. We realize that our new friends are those who "missed the boat". We have nothing in common with these friends except moaning and pretending that men are not oxygen. But deep inside, we would wish we are no longer called by our father's name. We realize the numbers of visitors have reduced, we prefer being at work or church than home.

At this age, when 40s is knocking, we would go for any man. But even that "any" man is not there. Men at that age are married or "going down" to younger girls. At this age we realise that the men we claimed were not serious were actually very serious. They have grown rich, got beautiful wives who never age because they are taken care of by kind men.

We hope a miracle will happen, before the window of opportunity is permanently closed, and the biological clock stops. At this age all the excuses are gone.

Young women, think for yourself. Do not believe that grapes are sour.

There are very many good men out there, waiting to be loved and love in return. Do not live a lonely life like a buffalo and pretend that is an achievement.