Sunday, January 29, 2012

the silly crush...

At exactly 3:30pm every single week day, I would find some reason to pass in front of our gate or be out side doing something I couldn’t explain. This would be coupled with a fresh coat of lip-gloss and a quick run through my hair as I tried hard not to look up before the strategically planed moment to get that eye contact. In my carefully selected outfit and ever so casual look, I waited in bated breath for him to pass.
*Deep breath* there he comes. Down the road he approached and had this thing going on about the way he walked. You know how those slow motion moments are played out in the movies? This was something of the sort and with every step he took, my heart beats faster and I take in the moment of sheer adolescent indulgence.
He walks by with out a word and as soon as he disappears into his yard, I float back into the house to new versions of the ongoing fantasy in my mind when he will finally pass by and say “Hi – what’s up?”
Shooo I would die.
i was 15 and there was a wonderful creation living next door. Crazy how these things work themselves out and thoughts about that now leave me giggling at my crazy 15-year-old self.

Boy am I glad that time is over and done with.
A girl friend and I started chatting on What’sApp and she was going on and on about the crazy bug that bit her. She was mentioning all these possibilities that could happen if this and that were to happen. She animatedly went on about a future that involved this individual and I couldn’t help but giggle at how silly she was sounding. And then, the dreaded thing happened.
I asked “…so what does he say to all these ideas of yours?”
Her answer “…SAY?????? He says nothing! I have never spoken to him!”
My reaction: I laughed so hard and praised the fact that this conversation was over social networking because that allowed me the comfort of laughing my head off at my friend, without her seeing me and simply sending her an LOL knowing her feelings wont be that hurt!
Here was a fully grown women behaving in a way that was identical to the 15 year old me and she didn’t even realise it.
There should be some sort of treatment from crushes as they lead one to behave in crazy ways. There were so many times I did crazy things to get the boy’s attention besides the obvious. The obvious, of course, would be to walk up to him and say hi. I would pass in his gaze a couple of times hoping he would see me and not anything else behind me or in my direction. These sort of things came coupled with thoughts of what-ifs and could-be’s. It kept me happy. If fuelled the fantasies and kept me content.
How is it though that we get like this when it comes to matters of the heart? No one is ever sure about how exactly it should be. We all have some sort of idea yes that we dish out it bucket loads to others but truth be told – there really isn’t a one-solution-for-all-situations kind of thing.
The way I see it, its either there or not. If he keeps passing you by the gate everyday and doesn’t bother to say ‘hi’ (even if for just being polite), then its time to recast the main man in your fantasies… a new guy who will even see you. Of cause this would have been great had someone told 15-year-old me as it would have saved my growing heart from what was to happen a few weeks later followed by even more idiotic versions of my fantasies…
… so on that day, as with the other days, I waited outside for him to pass. This time though he didn’t come alone. He had a GIRL with him. Hand around waist and irritating giggles coming from her as she enjoyed what should have been mine. Oh how my heart broke as I disappeared into our yard with plans of revenge. After I had calmed down, I did the most logical thing…
Fantasy continued: she had blackmailed him and he had no choice but to be with her. Deep down, he wanted me!
Of cause what had happened was obvious: SOMEONE ELSE BEAT ME TO APPROACHING HIM AND SAYING ‘HI’…

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