Forget the bus that hits you, I'm stuck at the trailer bashing after that!!!

Talked to a friend last night and realised that this must be the one ultimate life lesson we get taught over and over again. That when the bus finally hits you – and it does find you, the point is not the tiny details about what make of bus it was or who the driver was and what colour seats it had. The point is when, how and what.

Let me explain:

First ask when: when will I contemplate getting up?

See, as much as at that moment it feels like planning when to get up is the least of our worries, sooner or later it has got to happen. More importantly though is the fact that only you can decide when to do it. So, while you spend the sleepless nights and bucket loads of tears while down there, keep in mind that sooner or later, you have got to get up.

Note to self: remember this when my next bus comes along.

Then ask how: How do I do this getting up thing?

Truth be told, there are just those buses that leave you so “hit” that you forget which side your feet are and where to start when wanting to lift your head. There are times when that bus just leaves us so tangled up that getting up becomes a long process that can also very easily find you right back on your butt again all too soon.

AGAIN, fact still remains that it has got to happen.

What I like though about this getting up process is that you now get to decide how straight up you want to stand this time around and while initially the feeling would be not to take it too far – in case you have to kneel and duck the next bus –but you can stand straighter then before. In fact, sometimes when the fall has been really hard, some people choose to take a different path road all together just so they can encounter new buses. And then you get the suckers who believe this path still has a bit more good times to offer – either way – you will eventually have stood up!

(Writing this question has my mind thinking of all the people around you who will seem to have the answers on how to do this *pointing a finger at myself since I tend to fall pray to this too*. But it also leads me to wonder if someone can really help you get up… *thinking* the way I see it, since this was your bus, you should be the one that will decide not only when to get up but more importantly HOW to get up.)

Then finally, we get to what: what has this bus left me with and what lessons have I learned.

It’s true that some scares from the bus bashing may never really heal. It’s true too that even if the surface scares do disappear (cue bio oil) fact is the inner pains may come to visit on rainy days and colder weather. But I would like to think that one of the things that should happen at this point will be getting to know your capabilities a bit more and knowing what could trigger the painful cringe when the wound is unintentionally touched or the weather does get colder. Remember – we are over the tears so let that not be an option.

Also, its good to get to the part where you reflect on what the bus has taught you so you can better dodge it the next time. If you know that walking on the right hand side of the road leads to on coming buses hitting you point blank, then hell – stay away from that side or even use the damn side walk next time.

All the above seems all well and wise but now I'm left with a question bigger and maybe even more lethal then the bus: WHAT HAPPENS IF THE BUS HAD A TRAILER AND THE DAMN TRAILER GOT LEFT ON TOP OF YOU CLEARLY MAKING GETTING UP IMPOSSIBLE? Am I allowed to call out now?

Ms Independent for protection

It’s the dependence we have in other people that has left so much to be desired. See, as the dependence grew, so did the terrible trend to disappoint. This, loving readers, is not something that came by chance but as a result of lost ways and confused trends.

Everybody – say “HI” to independence!

This tiny reality has been labelled as bad. It has been called terrible names and discussions have been held on why it should be killed. At yet another tired speech of the reasons why it should go, I cant help but wonder how much HE’s impact has been towards keeping it around.

(Please note that ‘HE’ does refer to a guy known to me and this comes from actual recent happenings – if you figure out who you are Mr HE, then congratulations for being an inspiration to yet another post!)

HE carries on passionately describing what independence has done wrong and how HE can fix it. (Mr Fix-it-all I silently add, while shacking my head knowing I can’t be seen).

Independence I believe, steams from the realization that no one can do it better for you then YOU. We come from a place where we women have been taught to wait for the men to bring it home. Wait for the men to give permission. Wait for the men to give us. Wait for the men to proudly afford us the kind of things that we have come to love. While this has worked really well in generations past, our generation at one point was left waiting for way too long when it finally decided to stand up and go get it themselves.

I am a practiser of independence and I can’t help but say that with pride. Careful tho – this does not mean that you should be pulling out your check lists of all the things that are wrong about me based on this statement. I do independence because it is my protection shield.

See, for a while, I did follow the trend (cause personally I do believe our mother’s generation still had the right idea on relations), but it came with the sad realization of just how much things have changed. I have heard the lines and I have seen the betrayal. Gone are the days when your word stayed your word till you saw it through. Nowadays, its all about ‘getting-my-own-at-any-cost’ and sadly it has left a lot to be desired for. And so admitting to the defeat of trying to hold on to a past trend, I join the masses. Not in word, but in deed.

I'm frowned upon tho (mostly by the other HE’s of our generations) and I am taken advantage of sometimes when I let my guard down.

The frowners can’t understand why I just don’t keep my place as a Christian woman. To them I ask: and what do I do in the mean time while I hope and plead HE to get his act together? While I wish that this man will finally provide what I need while I also make a pledge to do so (cause I know I'm willing)? What do I do with my emotions while HE refuses to recognise them and respect them? what do I do with this commitment that I have nurtured for so long for his sake while he picks and chooses who is prettier between me and the lady next to me in line?

The advantage-takers dance around me spinning words they hope will trap me. See, their game plan is to come enjoy the comforts I have built myself and when they have become fattened by them, trample on this heart that I sincerely gave and laugh at the devotion I honestly promised and shared while they were too busy eyeing the next me. To them I say: enjoy is while it lasts because when I do finally catch you out, don’t expect me to be clinging on you like God’s gift. I got here on my own and I most certainly will carry on just the same.

Sure, a better version of HE (called HIM) may be out there and he could be working on gathering enough for both of us to give to me too but until then – my independence continues to bring me joy. The things I own, the relations I keep and more importantly, the spirituality I continue to build are mine and I got them all by myself…
When HIM does come along and does prove to be genuine, then i will gladly hang up my Ms Independent hat and high heels and stick closely to my mom to teach me the ropes only like her generation did it. HIM will have a wife waiting at home for him to give. this wife will do so with a smile and a new tune to sing while she prepares the bacon he brought! (lol)

For now: HE carries on on how he is fully capable of giving and how HE thinks Ms Independent is wild and untamed and uncultured to want to get it herself. And after I have waited so long for him to bring it home and give it, I finally decide to hang up the phone and go get it myself. Seems like HE spent way too much time talking about it and beating his chest on proud talk that he missed all the times that I held out my hands – just waiting for him to give me…. Now I go get it – MYSELF!

Shall we throw HE into the advantage taker’s bin?

how high is your PEDESTAL

…you look down your nose and sneer. You just love the feeling you are getting from this. You call up your buddies and share the news. You add a little spice here and there and laugh on along as you get a sense of elevation from what you have seen while looking down your nose. And then you take it a step further – you point! You show all passer’s by what you are pointing at and tell the news over and over to whoever is willing to listen while you get puffed up with pride and your smile broadens. “I am much better then that” you say out loud to the audience you have pulled. “I said I AM MUCH BETTER THEN THAT” you shout a little louder!

What is it that has you jumping around and smiling – SOMEONE ELSE’S MISERY AND MISTAKE

(this is directed at a certain commenter and the rest of us who need such reminders)

I call this type a pedestaler…

A PEDESTALER, as per my definition, is that person who elevates themselves to a place they believe is higher and go on to point and look down upon those they believe are far worse off then they are.

Granted, it’s a habit that we all at some point have/had developed and even used to feel better about our surroundings but how much of a better person does it REALLY make you?

• You will agree with me that there is something seriously wrong with a person who lacks fellow feeling. Personally, I think it’s even the biggest contributor to the sate of disintegrating human life in these last days. We all seem to have lost a sense of human when we can turn a blind eye to the misery of others. At times we even cause it – knowingly or not. But how normal is it when we capitalize on it and use it to inturn make ourselves feel better. Rumours are sprung from such dark places. We can’t help but tell it to the next person. Where are you on the guilt scale of such behaviour?
• Ok so its true you argue – its not a rumour but truth and granted, a lot of the bad situations could have      been avoided had the individual done this and that and they could have been advised, yet they chose not to listen and hance they found themselves here – it happens to the best of us. so and so did mess up their own marriages and are to blame for an unhappy family life - but how, in all of that, do you find the right or pride to raise your nose and tread on higher?

You jump around at such results and silently think of how this will never happen to you. ”how stupid!” you whisper and “he deserves it!” you judge.

A wise man was inspired to write “Pride is before a fall”. For all you know, you could be walking backwards towards the edge of your pedestal, facing a fall that will land you lower then the individual you dared to judge!

Careful!

It’s a known fact that Satan carries on to look for ways to tempt us at CONVENIENT times. He looks for times when he can tread upon your loyalty and undermine your faith. At times he uses our own traits against us and sadly at times he succeeds. The bible warns “let the one standing be careful that he does not fall”.

I imagine that this would be directed to the times when we are still doing our ‘I'm-better-then-you-dance’. Could pride be the next trait that the devil will use against you?

See, I have seen it happen so many times and yes, I too was a pedestaler at some point in my life until the sad realization of how sad I was knocked me blind (lol – literally). We are so quick to point the finger and judge as per OUR standards. We are so quick to think of how WE would never let this happen to us and wanna be heard about how WE would have handled it. We run along to the next person and insist that WE know much better! And we take it a step further by basking in the glory of ‘so glad it didn’t happen to me’ and let our pedestals grow higher.

Here is a thought or two:

1. With us living in these last days of the last days, can you really afford to be ‘dancing’ on heights way higher then you can afford to fall off.

2. With the love scripture in mind, how do you deal with the news of someone else’s misery? Are you jumping up and down for joy? (just how joyous are you really).

3. Only Jehovah has the ability to see what’s in our hearts. Are the things he finds thereyou’re your heart, your silent judging’s of fellow humans that YOU have concluded are below you?

4. Could it be that the way we are being tempted is by showing a worldly spirit of seeing ourselves as better? While you do your ‘dance’ it just could be to the beat of the tempter! (wow scary thought)

Nothing bad intended… just another musing by GOT.

I am proudly Jehovah's tool

There is a certain Devine intervention that is realised when time is spent solely for spiritual things.


I write this on the eve of our last day out in unassigned and as we slowly prepare to make the 7+ hour trip back home to the mess we call life. Here, we all have been blessed with experiences and near tears stories that will stick with us for months to come. We have met spiritually thirsty people that have gone a long way in reminding us the reason why we keep on with this work even though at times it seems a little bit over done with door slams and snide remarks in mind.

There is a lady that stands out particularly when I think of this place. We met her a few years back when upon seeing us making our way down some dusty path had tears streaming down her face. We are the people that remind her of a life she once had way back in her native land. The tears are because she has now long left this course due to a new country and bad experiences that shook her relationship with the Almighty. She cries too because she now has walked into a path that not even she knows how to walk away from. We had the unfortunate experience of seeing a glimpse of that path when we tried to encourage her to start studying again and she had this thing shout and scream at us – against her will. I nearly fell off my chair realising in all my 11 years baptised that the stories were real…

(we really do have a strong opposer out there who is at near panic when realising that his time really is running out)

This lady crosses our path again this year when she now happily welcomes us to her house because even though the fight is not over, the willing spirit is still there. This fighting spirit burns on even though she has to put up with unexplained presences and sickening dreams… and yet she carries on fighting while clinging to this NAME that reigns above all else.

I take a moment to reflect on what this has done for my own struggles with the effects of this system of things. It all seems mundane when out here actually. The people here open their eyes wide when we tell of a new world that promises to wash away all these things. They frown and eventually smile when they realise heaven is not as promised or even that hell is some fairytale. I take a deep breath and realise that I love this job.

Today we met a lady that had a really sad story to tell (queue in the tears). Coming from a place that hurts when shunned by “worshipers” and having begged a long time to learn of this God she has been told is all good. We met her by chance. A few scriptures later [and a couple of sniffles] – she desperately asks “where do I find such people like you?”

Bring in more pulls to the heart when the only answer we can give her is a promise that MAYBE we may return in a year’s time or that she should try the addresses behind all the literature we have emptied out our bags to give her. She appreciates the Watchtower like gold and holds the Worship the only true God book tightly as she promises to read these (and the AWAKE we couldn’t resist giving as well). As we leave where she was, I silently plead Jehovah to please watch over her and protect the seed we have planted. Who knows, we may just be holding her hand into the new system very soon!

The stories are many and the smiles we have in telling them have reignited a burning urge within. How do you react to meeting a man on the dusty road one scorching afternoon that literally quoted from the Knowledge book that he once had and was reading before it was stolen from him? I believe the stolen story based on the precise quotes from it and the pleadings for a new copy if we have one. While scratching around for a copy, we offer to him the Bible Teach book which he accepts but carries on to ask about that brownish covered book that he yearns for. In his words he says “because it is that truth that will defiantly lead me to everlasting life”. Would you argue with such pleadings? We luckily locate a copy and man you should have seen how washed my heart was with joy on seeing him almost skip away in joy at being reunited with that book!

Coming back to the small table where I sit to write this, my heart smiles at the sound of the new friendships forged with the fellow 10 brothers and sisters I am here with.

Wow! Tomorrow we leave.

What a week it has been. I feel the familiar burning in my eyes when I realise what a true blessing this week has been. No more tears I have promised myself. I cant help think back on the public talk and Watchtower study we had for the 30 in attendance and at the group study we had today shoulder to shoulder with the small group here that have made it a point to meet up and study some of the literature we left them with. None of them are baptised but each one through their walks in life have had a taste of this “pure language” we speak. After the concluding prayer, we sing 3 maybe 4 songs from our personal copies of the song books we will be leaving behind with them since we have none for them then. They smile as we sing these songs they have never heard but immediately love since they praise our loving God.

Wow! Tomorrow we leave…

I love the provision Jehovah has made to reach all sorts of people with these news. Its an amazing God that we worship and I pray that when we make our final calls tomorrow on the not nearly enough attempts we have made to the few that we could reach, that he look after the hope we have planted and ask that he please bless the honest attempts of the people we leave who shall carry on to search for the truths we have given them a taste of.

This week, I have allowed myself to be a tool for such an amazing service and as I get back to the mess that is my world, I do so with a renewed conviction to hold firmly on to Jehovah’s hand and allow him to lead continuously…

And after all is said and done, I cannot wait to tell Mr Man about my new stories…